🔗 Share this article A Friend Constantly Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Distance Myself? Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous obstacles, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise by people. Her husband left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was. A Recurring Theme In Relationships In the time since, several of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted. Current Dynamics In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information or other angles. She's been organizing a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to offer advice, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially just desired validation of her decisions. I have come back from a month there she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant. Considering the Choices I don't want in this role that walks away without a word, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed? Ways Forward One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you. Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool: "The first step is to state the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Emotions are valid, after all. Step three is to ask ways you together can shift the dynamics between you." Keep in mind your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say to the other person: "Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for a set time." This can be successful to encourage mutual respect. Key Takeaways This person could ignore your concerns, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a story about themselves they won't release as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a resolution, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.